Grand Avenue (7/2/09)

“Should you be using fireworks in the house when Grandma is taking a nap?” A better question might be, “Should you be using fireworks in the house at all, lest you blow up the linoleum and burn a hole in the couch?” Of course, the girl in this strip has a point when she claims that poppers don’t qualify as fireworks. These lame noisemakers were a staple of my childhood and, despite being cheap and plentiful, were no substitute for a handful of bottle rockets or a fully loaded Roman Candle. Unfortunately, those latter items were illegal in Illinois. That didn’t stop the neighborhood adults from driving south to buy fireworks in Indiana, but, more often than not, my friends and I were still stuck popping poppers and holding sparklers.

Grand Avenue (3/23/09)

A few weeks ago, my girlfriend and I were shopping at Best Buy when we noticed the wall of flat panel televisions calling to us. Knowing that the switch to digital was nigh, we considered buying a set and taking advantage of interest-free financing to pay for it over the course of a year. The prices had come down, after all, with 42″ LCDs selling for under $1,000. Then we figured we would wait a while, given that our analog set was still relatively new. That turned out to be a good decision as I was laid off a few weeks later. The offer of credit was enticing, but as the kid in this strip can testify, luxuries that are worth buying are also worth paying for up front.

Grand Avenue (2/20/09)

I’m going in for a physical tomorrow and I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t a little nervous about it. There are minor inconveniences like the cold doctor’s office and the long wait time, but what really bothers me is the prospect of having blood drawn. The whole process makes me squeamish, from the shocking chill of the alcohol swab to the uncomfortable pressure of the tourniquet. I realize that a small pinprick is nothing to be afraid of, but I still fare much better when I close my eyes, turn my head and count to ten.

Grand Avenue (1/24/09)

This strip would be a lot more credible if the wistful, wisecracking grandmother weren’t so rail-thin. How can a woman be jealous of a snowman who easily sheds girth in the hips when she has no discernible hips to begin with? I’ve already commented on the weight-conscious grandmother in Grand Avenue, but this strip takes her neuroses to a new low. It would be one thing if she were even slightly chubby, but the way this woman is drawn, she has no curves whatsoever. My advice to her would be to stop staring at snowmen and to start taking protein supplements.

Grand Avenue (12/23/08)

Every time I walk into a department store in November or December, I can’t help but feel sorry for the poor clerks who have to listen to Christmas music for an entire eight-hour shift (or longer). I love music, including traditional Christmas carols, but I can barely stand 30 minutes of the type of sappy, overproduced holiday music that dominates commercial radio. I can only imagine what it must be like to listen to that stuff all day, every day.

Grand Avenue (10/7/08)

Curiosly enough, I had an opportunity to meet the Aflac duck as part of my former job editing a trade magazine. One day, actor Philip Baker Hall and director Nic Bettauer stopped by my office to discuss the independent film Duck. They also brough the fowl that supplemental insurance made famous, accompanied by an animal trainer to make sure nothing got out of hand. It made for a surreal interview: three journalists, a legendary character actor, an independent film director, an animal trainer and a duck all in one room. Unexpected wing flapping aside, things went remarkably well.

Grand Avenue (9/11/08)

It took me a moment to understand the punchline here, but once I did, I found myself wholeheartedly applauding the sentiment. If I ever have cause to attend a youth sporting event, I’ll be sure to cheer respectfully in an effort to drown out any overzealous adults. I also like the fact that the playing field is never shown, requiring the reader to use his or her imagination to visualize the competitive frenzy lurking just beyond the panel boundaries.