Pardon My Planet (8/10/09)

While it’s true that some toys pose a choking hazard for small children, there are other dangers that deserve even more attentions. If I were a parent, I wouldn’t keep my toddler away from this giant Mr. Potato Head for fear that they might gag on a loose part. I would keep my toddler away from this giant Mr. Potato Head for fear that his enormous, unblinking eyes would scare the bejesus out of the child. I’m well into adulthood and even I’m getting the willies just looking at this overgrown spud.

Pardon My Planet (7/13/09)

I grew up eating Jif peanut butter and still chafe at the taste of other brands. Skippy seems gritty to my palette, and the generic stuff registers as bland and uninteresting. And now that I think of it, I’m not sure I’ve even tried Peter Pan peanut butter. I’ve seen it on store shelves for years, but have always considered it to be a holdover from a previous era, like Baby Ruth candy bars. Some people must like it, but certainly no one that I’ve ever met. Now if I were to see a jar of Dorian Gray peanut butter in the store, I would snap it up in a heartbeat…if only for the picture on the label.

Pardon My Planet (5/6/09)

I have a soft spot in my heart for encased meats, but I have to admit that hot dogs are at the bottom of my list of favorites. I’m a much bigger fan of bratwurst, chicken sausage and Italian sausage than I am of Vienna Beef or the now defunct Best’s Kosher. A good bratwurst can be something of a gourmet experience if it’s topped with just the right mix of cooked onion, fresh tomato and mild mustard, and served in a hearty sandwich roll. But a hot dog is destined to be just a hot dog – a mildly pleasing amalgam of mystery meats that makes for easy grilling on a hot summer day.

Pardon My Planet (1/5/09)

It took a gnarly snowstorm to motivate me, but I finally bought a pair of boots this winter. My black dress shoes, which I wear to work on an almost daily basis, are not meant to withstand long walks through the snow and slush. So after Chicago was hit with a mini-blizzard in December, I buckled down and resolved to protect my work shoes by investing in some sturdier footwear. Needless to say, I didn’t consider buying sandals.

Pardon My Planet (12/15/08)

Hmm…the male warewolf is still holding his razor and giving the female werewolf a sideways glance. Maybe he wasn’t finished shaving. Maybe, just maybe, he’s decided to train for the 2012 olympics as a swimmer and needs to shed as much body hair as possible. I just hope it doesn’t grow back too quickly, because that would be one obnoxious morning routine.

Pardon My Planet (11/24/08)

Wow…this is actually a decent pick-up line. It’s timely, it’s funny and, given the right set of circumstances, it could actually work. But just as the government is in a position to dictate terms to those companies it decides to bail out, this woman is in a position to place demands on her would-be lover. If GM can be made to increase fuel economy, curb executive perks and renegotiate union contracts, then the least this guy can do is iron his shirt.

Pardon My Planet (11/1/08)

Even though it took me a minute to understand this strip, I appreciate its grumbling about the early appearance of Christmas decorations. The punchline reminds me of a scene a few years back when I saw a man trimming the last remaining leaves from a tree so he could hang Christmas lights. It was late autumn and the leaves had already turned, but I thought it was sad that they weren’t allowed to fall to earth in their own time.