Scary Gary (11/30/09)

The green henchman in Scary Gary is one of my favorite characters on the comics page. He’s completely deadpan, which gives his punchlines an added kick. I can’t think of another character jaded enough to spit coffee in the face of a vampire (even a middle-aged, overweight vampire) while still maintaining a disinterested facial expression. But what I really like about the green henchman is how he plays against type. This horned feller is not your typical, bumbling sidekick from the days of yore. He’s a subordinate with an attitude, which I’ll take over your run-of-the-mill Igor any day.

Scary Gary (11/13/09)

It’s not often that a comic strip engages in substantive criticism of the funnies as a medium, but today’s Scary Gary manages to raise a good point in its three short panels. Many comic strips are overwritten, and manage to drown their punchlines in the process of sounding out their characters. Mark Twain once said that he would have written a shorter story if only he had had the time. It’s a lament that’s worth taking to heart, especially among cartoonists whose first instinct may be to fight their lack of storytelling space by cramming as many words as possible into their strips.

Scary Gary (11/5/09)

It was only recently that I began keeping my bananas out of the refrigerator. Up until a few weeks ago, I would pack a banana with my lunch and put the entire bag in the fridge, not thinking that it would ruin the tender yellow fruit. And while an evening in cold storage didn’t turn the thing black, it did make it less appetizing to eat the next day, even after it had returned to some semblance of room temperature. Curiously enough, I was convinced to change my habits after reading a chain e-mail extolling the virtues of bananas and warning, quite sternly, that they should never be placed in a refrigerator. I guess those e-mails serve a purpose, after all.

Scary Gary (9/22/09)

Ever since I saw the Big Mouth Billy Bass for sale at my neighborhood drug store, I’ve been consumed with the idea that some bored, affluent individual could create a choir of singing fish. If somebody lined their walls with Big Mouth Billy Bass plaques and rigged them to all go off at the same time, then that person would create a sound so deafening that it would set off car alarms. I think the idea was originally inspired by Bart’s eardrum-busting string of police megaphones on The Simpsons. I should mention that I don’t own a single Big Mouth Billy Bass, nor do I have plans to purchase any, but the idea of a group of them singing out in unison still thrills me to no end.

Scary Gary (8/21/09)

I live close to a grocery store that sells all sorts of animal parts that the more sensitive among us wouldn’t think to eat. Pig’s feet with the hooves still intact? Check. Chicken feet with the claws still attached? Check. Ground specialties containing every animal under the sun? Check, and then some. I’m sure if I asked at the butcher’s counter I could scrounge up some neck meat, but I’d much rather stick with the fresh produce at the front of the store. They do stock exceptionally ripe cantaloupe, despite their lack of discrimination when it comes to animal products.

Scary Gary (8/13/09)

I’m something of an optimist, which I’m sure can be grating for the people who have to deal with me on a regular basis. That said, I have the good sense to know that cynicism is sometimes the appropriate response to a situation. I’ve never had to confront an angry mob, but I’m sure that if I ever found myself being chased by a group of thugs I would realize that they were trying to buy me ice cream. Pitchforks and torches signify a lot of things, but a cold scoop of mint chocolate chip is not one of them.

Scary Gary (7/24/09)

It’s been my experience that old amusement parks don’t die, they get razed and turned into shopping malls. At least that’s what happened to Riverview, an amusement park that operated on the northwest side of Chicago from the early 1900s to the late 1960s. Riverview was long gone by the time I was born, but my mom’s family grew up not far from the festivities. They have fond memories of the place, although I have a hard time believing that roller coasters and carnival games ever thrived on land that now houses a police station, a Toys R’ Us and the DeVry Institute of Technology.