Archive for September, 2009

Dilbert (9/30/09)

September 30, 2009

09-30-09 (Dilbert)

For what it’s worth, I’m pretty sure sand is a good deal less expensive than kitty litter, the point being that if this woman wanted to create a faux beach in her apartment she could have purchased a large sandbag at a hardware store and then used the leftover money to spring for, I don’t know, a magazine? But then there wouldn’t be a punchline to this strip and we wouldn’t be treated to the charming image of a cat standing on its hind legs with a newspaper tucked under its arm.

Watch Your Head (9/29/09)

September 29, 2009

09-29-09 (Watch Your Head)

Now that my fiance has her engagement ring, she’ll be able to ward off the skeevy dudes who approach her on the train (we ride separate trains to work). It’s one thing to strike up a pleasant conversation with a stranger, but it’s quite another to put your arm around them, kiss their hand, tell them they’re beautiful or write them a love note with your phone number included. These are not romantic gestures when they come from a random stranger on a train car. Fortunately, they can now be neutralized with a simple display of my fiance’s ring finger. And if that doesn’t work, the finger next to it can be used to good effect.

Luann (9/28/09)

September 28, 2009

09-28-09 (Luann)

I formally proposed to my fiance on Saturday, taking her to the John Hancock Observatory for an afternoon trip. Ostensibly, we were scouting locations for the wedding ceremony we’d agreed to before I’d a chance to buy an engagement ring. But I had also stashed said ring in my pocket, thinking, “What better way to propose than by getting down on bended knee, 94 floors above the picturesque lakefront?” Naturally, my fiance was surprised and delighted. That’s why I look at today’s Luann, in which a high school student nonchalantly tells of a shocking proposal by a teenage millionaire, with complete befuddlement. The mom in this strip has the right reaction. The daughter has obviously been drugged.

Frazz (9/27/09)

September 27, 2009

09-27-09 (Frazz)

Although I’m more of a baseball fan, I pay some attention to football, especially at the beginning and end of the season. And as a casual fan, I understand why this comic strip, set in Michigan, didn’t cast its banged-up coach as a former member of the Detroit Lions. Despite their win earlier today, the Lions have become the laughing stock of the league after their winless season of a year ago. I’m not sure if Southern State is a real school, or if the Cherry Bowl is a real bowl game, but even if these two institutions are fake, they would still impart more prestige than a stint with the bottom-feeders of the NFL. Where have you gone, Barry Sanders?

By the way, I fully recognize the hypocrisy of dogging on the Lions while cheering for the Chicago Cubs. But after rooting for the underdog Cubs in baseball and the underdog Cavaliers in basketball, I find that my capacity for cheering on sad sacks has reached its natural limit.

Pearls Before Swine (9/26/09)

September 26, 2009

09-26-09 (Pearls Before Swine)

I am a nerd when it comes to the Constitution. I admire its simplicity (“We the people of the United States, in order to form a more perfect union…”) while also marveling at the sheer level of minutiae involved in establishing the three branches of government. It sometimes seems as if the document contains more run-on sentences than a William Faulkner novel, and it indulges in more semicolons than a runaway grammar worksheet. But as far as I recall, it contains no guaranteed access to cheese, no protections against the plague and no clauses related to The Pied Piper of Hamelin.

Sherman’s Lagoon (9/25/09)

September 25, 2009

09-25-09 (Sherman's Lagoon)

For as long as I’ve known her, the entire top shelf of my fiance’s bookcase has been filled with Archie comics. Although most people ignore the latest issue of Double Digest in the supermarket line, she has invested heavily in the slim volumes and has held on to all of them. And that’s not even counting her collection of retrospectives. Needless to say, she is super excited about the current storyline, a six-part saga that supposedly shows Archie choosing brunette Veronica over blonde Betty (I’m not sure they have any distinguishing features aside from hair color). It’s getting to a point where even I’m a little curious to see how it all plays out.

Dilbert (9/24/09)

September 24, 2009

09-24-09 (Dilbert)

I’ve always considered myself an optimist, but one with a realistic view of the world. Looking on the bright side can be incredibly liberating, but not when it involves willfully ignoring something just because its unpleasant. When one door closes, another opens? Well, that may be true in some cases, but oftentimes when a door closes it leaves someone standing alone, a little freaked out at the startling turn of events. And that’s okay. Recognizing the severity of a problem is the first step in solving it. It’s the difference between calling the insurance company when your house burns down and buying a tent from Wal-Mart so you can hike out to the woods to roast marshmallows.