Shoe (4/20/11)

You know what I dislike about ties? Everything. Those stodgy fabric strings are so uncomfortable that no one in his right mind would choose to wear them, which is a shame because they’re virtually the only way to add color to a man’s wardrobe. Sure, suits and dress shoes can be sharp, but they’re hardly striking. What happens when a man dons the only socially acceptable accessory that can accentuate his dress shirt? He endures near suffocation. He also goes the entire day without realizing just how many germs have accumulated on his tie thanks to near-constant handling. One day, when I have children of my own, I’ll pre-empt any tie-related gifts they might buy me on Father’s Day by asking them to make me pancakes instead.

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