Last week, I learned that the Lieutenant Governor of Illinois rides her bike to work; a fact that undermines all my excuses for not doing the same. I have a busy schedule? Without a doubt, her schedule is busier. I haven’t been on the road in a while? She told a reporter she had just taken her first ride of the spring. I can’t afford to sully my work clothes? She uses rubber bands to protect her pant legs. There are other excuses I could think of (my bike needs a tune-up, my route doesn’t have protected lanes) but when it comes down to it, I need to stop riding to the train station and start riding to the office. I see Chicago has scheduled its annual Bike to Work Day for Friday, June 17. Hmmm…looks like it’s time for me to start pedaling.
Archive for the ‘Monty’ Category
Does the robot in this strip yearn for the dryer or the washing machine? Does he desire the cool, soapy waters of the wash cycle or the intense heat of the spin-dry process? Either way, it looks like he’s asking for trouble. I don’t know much about electronics, but I do know you’re not supposed to get them wet. That would eliminate the washer from the list of household appliances our robot hero lusts after, and while the dryer might seem nominally safer, I would be hesitant to stick any of my gadgets in with a recently washed load. Think about it. Would a DVD player survive a 60-minute jaunt inside a dryer? How about a laptop computer? A cell phone? No, and neither would a robot, but I suppose the heart wants what it wants.
My 15-year-old cat might have something against kittens (especially un-neutered male kittens who invade his basement, drink from his water dish, and sniff around his litter box before being escorted to the garage), but he does have something in common with his young nemeses: he loves to eat. Every morning, my cat follows me around begging for food. Every evening, my cat follows me around begging for food. And when I go to the garage to check on the stray cat who followed my wife home earlier this week? He follows me around begging for food. If my cat could get past his hostility toward this kitten, I’m sure he’d find they have a lot in common; they’re both gastrophiles of the highest order.
One of these days, I’m going to get inventive and serve something other than turkey on Thanksgiving. And I’m not talking about run-of-the-mill alternatives like Honey Baked Ham. I’m talking about exotic dishes. Imagine a spread that featured elk, alligator, bison, and ostrich (all things I’ve eaten and enjoyed – okay, the alligator left a lot to be desired). Or how about a “five-bird roast,” an actual dish from the UK featuring goose, turkey, chicken, pheasant, and pigeon, all stuffed with sausage? Sure, the pigeon sounds unappetizing, but the rest of it sounds delicious. Of course, I could be going down a slippery slope with all these exotic meats. When I looked up “Turducken” on Wikipedia, I saw a link at the bottom of the page that said, “See also: Whole stuffed camel.” Okay…rewind. Turkey it is.
No, no, no. This strip has it all wrong when it comes to beer snobs. No self-respecting connoisseur would be caught dead drinking something from a large American brewer. Instead, they would sample an import, a micro-brew, or (wonder of wonders) a home-brew. Of course, the guy in this strip might not be a beer snob. He might just be a fan of unpretentious suds. In that case, he would probably order a Coors or a Busch, not a Michelob Ultra. Those first two beers are approachable as all get-out, but Michelob Ultra is marketed as a low-calorie beer for hip young things who want to stay fit while getting their drink on.
Okay, summer is over. Real summer is over, Indian Summer is over and, apparently, Chicago’s string of unseasonably warm weekends is over. Which basically means, no more grilling until spring. Yes, I did touch my grill this week, but it was only to tie it to my neighbor’s fence so it wouldn’t be blown over by 70 mile-per-hour gusts of wind. Cold wind. Cold, rainy wind. The upshot of all this is that I won’t be eating the rest of the hot dogs in my fridge. It’s simply too late in the year to grill them. Sure, I could boil them on the stove, but it just wouldn’t be the same.
This strip reads like a perverse inversion of Duck Hunt, the classic video game that came bundled with Super Mario Bros. In Duck Hunt, players “shot” at on-screen birds using a light gun controller. The birds fell from the sky and were retrieved by a hound. The hound snickered whenever a player missed a bird. Unfortunately, the hound could not be shot with the light gun. Today’s Monty shows a bird as the hunter, complete with camouflage, rolling fog, and the scent of a…um…pine grove. The only thing needed to complete the scene is that stupid, aggravating hound.